This may sound strange, but ever since writing down my heart in my last post, it made it seem more real. I'm a private person when it comes to matters of the heart, and I'm not sure what compelled me to blog about it, but... I did. And with the admission of what was on my heart came acknowledgment. And since then, came one main emotion: fear. I mean, am I crazy? Who spends 7 years finishing uni to then go overseas to teach the poor? Who spends 7 years chasing a dream, then gives it all up when its finally in her grasp? Nobody does that right? Right?
Well after I acknowledged the whisper in my heart, I became terrified. I know ONE person in all of India...! The thought of packing up my life here in Bundaberg, Australia and heading to an unknown village in India is... scary. But yet, it stays on my heart. Oh I could so easily stay here. Get a job in Bundy, teach music to many students, have a fulfilling life right here in my hometown. Easy done, right? Well... no. Here's one more thing you probably don't know about me... I've never been one to be satisfied with the ORDINARY life. Sure, my life is pretty normal: God, work, uni, family, music, water skiing. But I'm one of these people who want to change the world. I've always wanted to make a difference, to impact people's lives. I've always wanted to be remembered as someone who lived an EXTRAORDINARY life!
Today at bible study we were talking about Joseph and how he obeyed God even when he couldn't see the big picture. Its Max Lucado's take on the situation from a book called Cast Of Characters. Let me quote part of it.
Jospeh didn't let his confusion disrupt his obedience. He didn't know everything. But he did what he knew. He shut down his business, packed up his family, and went to another country. Why? Because thats what God said to do.
What about you? Just like Joseph, you can't see the whole picture. Just like Joseph, your task is to see that Jesus is brought into your part of your world. And just like Joseph, you have a choice: to obey or disobey. Because Joseph obeyed, God used him to change the world.
Did you catch it? Let me say it again: And just like Joseph, you have a choice: to obey or disobey. Because Joseph obeyed, God used him to change the world.
Did you get it that time? We all have a choice - every moment of every day. That really struck me. I have a choice... I can stay here... live a safe, ordinary life... and disobey. OR... take a risk, a leap of faith, and live the extraordinary life... and obey. God wants to use us... but we have to obey and trust in Him. I hope I can remember this for myself when my future seems overwhelming and terrifying. I hope some of you will remind me :) But I challenge you... what is your choice? You don't have to go overseas in order to live an extraordinary life... you just need to follow Jesus ANYWHERE He leads you. Trust Him - He loves you more than you could ever imagine!
I think trusting yourself is the only thing you can really do. If you really want it, go and get it. Don't do it because something or someone is telling you to do it. If you are always doing stuff for other people, or for even God himself, then you will never be truly satisfied and will always be wanting more...
ReplyDeleteWhat do YOU want to achieve after university? Do you want to be a music teacher? Do you want to teach in India? What will make you happiest? No one is going to lead you in the right direction, you have to lead yourself. Once you have achieved that, you will be truly happy...and in my opinion, that is an extraordinary life...whether it involves Jesus or not.
Living an extraordinary life is not necessarily about saving the world...it's being happy in what you do and affecting people that way. By conveying your excitement and enthusiasm for music through your teachings to others, you will be affecting the lives of others without even realising it.
In my opinion, you're not disobeying if you decide to stay in Bundaberg and be a music teacher ... you are instead following and trusting yourself.